It’s been nearly a year of being single after being in relationships my entire teenage and adult life- and I can say with full clarity that I’ve never felt more myself than I do in this moment. I feel like I am becoming the truest version of me, and everything is connecting in a way it never had before. I never thought being single would give me so much clarity on life and relationships. In a way, I think I was fearful of it, and fearful for being shamed for decisions in my single life regarding my sex-positive approach.
Thankfully, I’ve learned in my 20s the difference between being alone and being lonely. I live on my own with my daughter. I’ve learned just how self sufficient I can be. I pay my own bills, I handle my shit. FFS, I pay rent in the Bay Area on my own and have been since 18. I’m getting my degree for myself and my daughter’s future. I go to work in the day, and school at night. I’m a manager, a scholar, brand owner, a single mother, and a caretaker to my grams.
Over the years, I’ve had long-term relationships spanning over 5 years, and I’ve had casual relationships that lasted only a few months, depending on what I’m looking for and what my current intentions are with dating. (Those intentions have changed a LOT over the years.)
As women, it’s still “taboo” in some cultures to talk about sex or even admit enjoying it. I think we’re all created to be sexual beings and to create fulfilling sexual relationships, the most important one being with ourselves.
I also believe that with the right knowledge and information about sex education, the better equipped we can be about our health, choices, and our bodies. Without the right education, we won’t be able to reach out for help when you know something’s wrong. (P.S.: Talk to your partners about STDs and testing! Normalize it, your health is worth it.)
I think there’s also a stigma about how when women become mothers, they can no longer be sexy. Being sexy to me is something that isn’t limited to a specific age, gender, or role you play. It’s about freedom to be who you are, and exploring that with trust, boundaries and communication with as many people or as few people as you prefer ♥️
Let’s normalize how we view sex and the concept of women in conversations about sex.
Let’s eliminate all shame and restriction around communication, our bodies, number counts, and embrace our natural desires as humans.
Let’s raise our boys with the understanding of care and consent instead of shaming our daughters for their femininity.
Media and society can be patronizing in many areas when it comes to sex and relationships. It can force us into not talking about it, making sure it’s pleasurable only for men. (It’s 2020 and women are still the ones implanting, inserting, digesting and taking shots for birth control, with little to no options for men)
Society can also put this ticking clock on women and push them into what they think should be the most monumental moments of their lives: marriage & babymakers. And right into homemaking roles, and domestic responsibilities- but women are so much MORE. YOU are so much more. Explore that. Live in it. Revel in it. Don’t ever fucking settle.
If you are a woman reading this, I want to reaffirm you this Valentine’s Day that it’s okay to:
- not be in a relationship
- it’s okay to be hurting over one
- it’s okay not to be married
- it’s okay not to have kids (right now, or ever!)
- it’s okay to focus on healing yourself
- it’s okay to take a social media break from all the gushy posts
There’s a burden placed on women to rush into relationships and those who are single are deemed unworthy or unloved, or somehow- un-whole. That cannot be further from the truth.
There’s nothing wrong with being on your own and learning to fulfill your own needs, and to surround yourself with amazing people, and to date without the intention of settling down. Your life is the life you make with conscious choices you make every day, and only you are in control of them.
I’m learning the only wild, irrevocable love I want to experience is with myself. And whatever else that is meant to come, will come.
Marry a rich man? I AM a rich man.
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If you loved this post, you’d love my [How much happier would we be if we stopped worrying about how our bodies looked?]